Several years ago, I was working part time in our church’s office. When I first started there, one of the other ladies in the office was telling me about staff prayer time. It was in our auditorium and was done once a week for around 45 minutes to an hour. I remembered in my head thinking, what?! I might last 10 maybe 15 minutes but after that I am going to be planning my grocery list or thinking of weekend plans in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I was use to daily reading my bible and then spending a few minutes in prayer, but I only had so much to say then my mind would start to wonder. The first time I got the opportunity to go in for this prayer time. They had the lights down just a little and they had worship music playing in there. Immediately I could feel a sweet spirit in there. I think the first time I even came up for air, 40 minutes had already gone by and I still had more to talk to God about. I was hooked, I couldn’t wait for the next week. Again the time just flew by and I was just talking God’s ear off. I don’t remember how many weeks I had been participating in this particular prayer time, when about 20 minutes in one day, I felt I heard so strong in my spirit, shut up! It stop me in my tracks (I was walking around our auditorium as I was praying). That scripture came to mind in Psalms that says, be still and know that I am God. It is very humbling when God gives us correction so clearly. I allowed my mind to clear as I just stood there in complete adoration for God. Then I felt like God spoke somethings into me that day. Including teaching me that prayer time is not intended to be a one sided conversation.
Just this last week I was talking to a friend about this very thing, God giving us correction during our prayer time. We were saying as humbling as it is, it also usually gives us revelation that we need. Then this week, one morning when I was praying. I was going back and forth between thanking God for different things and giving Him a laundry list of request for friends, my family and for myself. A couple of things that I have been praying about, for a while, I felt I needed to remind God that those still really needed to be answered. Then this may or may not have happened, but I may have also had some thoughts for Him on how they should be answered or handled. After all I wasn’t asking for bad or selfish things, I was asking for good and worthy things (of course in my opinion).
Last month I had the opportunity to speak and I spoke about trusting God, we do our best and trust God to do the rest! I have been recently reading about trusting God in the bible and from a Christian book. I have a mug I drink out of often that says “Trust in the Lord…”. When others are talking about things they struggle with, like pride, anger, trusting God or so on. I would have been saying yes I probably have some pride issues (Our son Sean when he was little, when we would try to help him, he would say “I do it myself!” I think as adults that we want to appear strong, so we don’t want to accept help from others), I don’t really struggle too much with anger, but I totally trust God!
In the middle of my prayer time that day I felt like God abruptly told me “You don’t trust Me”. Now if my husband had said something like that, I would have argued like an attorney to say that just isn’t true. Somehow when God calls you out on something, it’s strikes you to the core. I was immediately broken and the rest of that prayer time I was asking for forgiveness, as I cried before God.
I’d love to say I prayed through that, now that will no longer be an issue, but I am an imperfect person, in an imperfect world. Thankfully we serve a God of grace and mercy!
Are you or someone close to you going through cancer right now? Do you deal with chronic pain daily? Do you have a child with special needs? Do you have a family member that is terminally ill? Have you recently lost a love one? Or has someone abandon you in another way? Are you or someone close to you dealing with a drug or alcohol problem? These are just a few things I know we have close friends or family members dealing with. Do you really trust God is in control, that He truly sees you or your loved ones and cares? Do you trust God is working behind the scenes when we cannot see anything changing? Do you trust God when the answer is not what you had been hoping and praying for?
I am certainly trying to… but I can tell you it’s a daily journey! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding! Proverbs 3:5